I’ve been asked by several people in my offline life why I haven’t posted more on here. The short answer is that I’ve been tired. The long answer is that by tired my mean I’ve had several low functioning days due to my severe Bipolar disorder.
A part of my wanted to keep this private, but a larger part of me wanted to share my story. So here goes.
I have Bipolar II which means I have more downs than ups and my ups are fairly mild. When I have a down, I feel exhausted by little things like breathing and just being. I also tend to have more panic attacks which cause me to stammer and hyperventilate, sometimes to the point where I will lose consciousness.
I also have PTSD. My main triggers are unwanted touching and sexually aggressive language. About a month ago, I was attacked on the street about a block from my apartment and the next thing I knew I was under my desk at home crying and texting my husband. I did file a police report and will be moving in a month.
Over the past week and a half, I’ve been struggling to find the energy to do anything at all. Something I don’t think most people without mental illness get is just how much energy everything takes. Eating, lying in bed, breathing, they all take a phenomenal amount of energy. Just trying to get by with being alive takes all my energy and I don’t have any left for anything else.
I’m coming out of it and am feeling a lot better, so I should have more content coming up for you guys. Thanks for your patience.